“If we have the Father’s Heart, we can care for each other, the way He cares for us”
Have there been times in your life when you felt no one heard you? No one even cared about how you felt? Validation, to be validated or to know that someone is listening to you. We all want to be heard by someone. To know that they are listening to our words and hearing our heart. I find this to be one of the biggest issues from the women I have coached. In their journey of being betrayed or abuse, they often were not heard, not even as a child. Most everyone wants to know that they matter in some way. It’s just our human nature and the way God created us to be. After all, we are made in His image. The Father wants us to praise and worship Him and to be grateful for all the things He has done for us.
In working with these broken women, one thing I have learned so deeply is that if I can have my Father’s heart, a heart of compassion, understanding and love, then through Him, I can be impactful in their life. A broken person is hurting deeply inside and to come along-side them and walk the journey with them, makes a huge difference in their life. I believe that this is true in almost any thing we do as Coaches. To help build a successful person, they need to be understood, heard, validated and increased to know their potential. Is there any greater reward to ourselves, then to see our client thrive in the world, make an impact in the world, or to pay it forward?
I truly believe that in our world today, if we would begin treating others with The Father’s Heart, our world would be in such a different place. Treating others can also be a tough thing to do at times. The way we are treated from others can make us want to retaliate quickly and lower ourselves to the standards of the world. Oh, trust me, there have been countless times I have done exactly that. Retaliation was like a lifestyle to me. I got even with the one that hurt me, disrespected me or just didn’t agree with me. Anger was so deep inside my spirit at one time, that all I wanted to do was lash out at the one person who came against me. This is why I say, the 12 Step recovery program I did, saved my life.
What are some of the ways we as Coaches, Leaders, or Ministers can make sure we are truly listening to our clients? For me personally, when a client has stated their issue, instead of giving them advice, which is merely my own opinion, formed from my own personally experiences, I will turn to them with a question. I will ask them in a way that they begin to think for themselves, and most of the time they will respond and hear themselves processing the issue, and forming a plan on their own. Gaining confidence within their own heart and boosting their spirits. I have recognized that if a client will talk about the issue long enough, they can take their own accountability and begin see the solution for problem. Isn’t this what we want our clients to accomplish in the first place. To gain confidence, strength and accountability within themselves. No matter what area you coach in, to see your client gain these qualities is priceless and time well spent.
Treating others, as Christ has treated us. That is an endless statement. Christ gave His whole life for us. Would we be willing to do the same for anyone else? Probably not. However, a soldier definitely would but the average Joe, not likely. We value our own life too much. What if we would just begin by giving them all we can offer and setting the necessary boundaries for the situation? Walking with them through the journey and know that hopefully soon we will see the harvest from the seed that was planted. Is that a reward worth going for? Seeing someone succeed and flourish in the calling that was placed on their life? We all have one, created to fulfill a purpose. No matter whether you are a Believer or not, life does matter and everyone has a purpose and destination on this earth.
Being a coach definitely has its’ difficult moments as well. Have you been there? You pour out your heart to them hoping they take hold of the new knowledge which they have learned and apply to their life, career, marriage, or situation. Then you recognize in the behavior, that they haven’t even tried to apply the new knowledge or work in their life. They may have heard you but they sure didn’t take it in, nor did they apply it. They can hear but they didn’t move forward in action.
That’s disheartening for sure and we probably feel like it’s fallen on deaf ears. Do we continue to pour into them knowing that our time just could have been wasted? Of course, each individual has to determine this on their own judgement. Whether they want to keep pouring their good energy out, their time and talent into one that will not even receive it in a positive way; I personally will continue a couple more times to just see if they are having a moment of being stuck or did they just give up. I know my time is valuable as anyone else’s. If there is no change, then I can decide to walk away from it and give my time and energy to someone who is willing to work hard and to make a difference in their life and eventually in the world.
Being a Coach, Leader, Minister can have its’ rewarding moments as well. Like the time when you see a client just take off with the newfound knowledge and you see the celebration sparkles light up and exploding all around them. What a grand feeling of an accomplishment that is. Celebrating with them is like no other celebration I have experienced. It makes my heart grow 12 times bigger. Like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas after he realized how much the people really did care about him, his heart grew and grew. That is how my heart feels when I see the client begin to flourish and become the stronger, healthier person they are hoping to be.
One of the reasons I wrote my last book “Healing Broken Women,” was to help them in any way possible. By using the 12 Step work that tremendously helped me, I wrote about each step and how I benefitted from the step and also some of the issues I had in my life. Each Step revealed something in my life that I had to forgive, work through, or heal from in some way. After completing the book, I soon realized that it contained a lot more information and insight than I thought, so I developed a video course and 12 Step worksheet that goes along with it. Each worksheet covers a step, asks questions so the client will begin processing from their own heart and mind. This type of work has truly helped my current client in tremendous ways.
I had the joyous occasion today to speak with 3 other Life Coaches through zoom meetings and it was amazing how we all had pretty much the same perspective about working with our clients, with the desire of having God’s heart as we walked the journey with them. This only confirmed to me that I was to be writing the message that I am. I knew that Holy Spirit had given it to me and today it was confirmed. This is also how I go into each session with a client. Know that Holy Spirit is leading me and that by His discernment I will know what to say, not to say, and to act accordingly to my Father’s heart.